Saturday, March 22, 2014

From Shy to Leadership

So, I think I  mentioned it before, but I have started an organization here  at my college. It's called Gators for Sickle  Cell Warriors. I have seriously put most of my attention to it, in fact this is testing my ability to be able to juggle between school projects, assignments, and this organization. It's not easy to be the President (right, Obama?) . I mean being the shy kid all my life I was never elected for even thought to run for anything for student government, let alone the big, bad president position. However, I felt there was a calling for me to do this.

I remember back in high school, looking for a way to feel understood about my illness I ran upon a blog post on, The author, Tosin, recalled  her experience of hiding  her sickle cell while in college. She ran into another student who was president of sickle cell chapter in her district, she ran into someone who was unashamed about her illness. It was that moment I questioned why  I was.

From then on, I dreamed that moment would happen to me. Alas, I go to a predominately white university. So not  finding a sickle cell organization at my school wasn't too surprising( although, there are over a hundred organizations to list as of date). That's when I decided that I would just start my own, so in the beginning of the year my plans came to effect, but once I started my anxieties grew.

How do I get people to come to our GBMs? How do  I get my officers to do their job, without being "harsh"? How do we get sponsors?  Create efficient events? Can I still do this?  These were some of the questions I've (and still) asked myself. I have sacrificed my money, fun, sanity, studying, and time for this organization. I'm not saying one should, but I have definitely done more than   I should have at times.

The organization is not where I want it to be as of now, but it has greatly improved. When I look back at the students registering and getting there mouths swabbed to be in the bone marrow registry, or coming back with  exact change to buy one of our handmade bracelets a for Gators for Sickle Cell Warriors, it makes all the stress worth it.

Now I'm m going to get a bit sentimental here, so bear with me! Before this organization, I was truly lost. I did things and I was good at them but it didn't drive me. No enthusiasm, no spark...everyday was just a  continuous blank page  I flipped through endlessly. Maybe a few pictures here or there, but   I would always get back to that blank page.

However, when I am working with Gators for Sickle Cell Warriors, I realize my passion. I want to work hard for the unheard, and the weak. Now us sickle cell warriors are not weak, but I'd be lying if I said they weren't enough advocacy going on for us.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

How to Be Confident with Jaundice Eyes

I write this article on a bad day. I have sickle cell as I've stated before and with all the emotional and physical pain that comes along with it jaundice is one of the consistent problems I have. Today I came in late for class and missed a much needed quiz to boost up my grade, I encountered two of my classmates avoiding me despite the fact that I was just walking like everyone else and had no intentions of talking to them anyway. In addition to that, I forgot my money to buy sushi, an energy drink and embarrassingly walked out of the store  with my lunch left behind at the counter. I know these all seem trivial compared to the  chaos that goes on in the world.

However these mishaps seemed to flood my mind as  I drove back home. So when I hopped on my laptop in my room and searched "how to be confident with jaundice eyes, " I was looking for reassurance.  There needed to be  something to kick me out of the funk, to know that everything would be okay, and yet I got nothing. The same emotion that surrounds my inner thoughts come attacking. It's the same disappointing feeling I get when I Google "makeup for jaundice eyes," or dare I type "how to cure jaundice".

I've been dealing with this tug of war since  middle school. When will I just accept my fate? I know that my  life wouldn't drastically change if I woke up suddenly with milky white eyes. However, it would be nice to be able to look at someone in the eye, without awkwardly looking away. Or have someone understand how you feel, and not feel like you will be forever alone because who would want to date the girl with creepy eyes.

This is just me being dramatic I assume, I mean I know about the man with no arms and legs who just got married and now has a child. However, sometimes I can't help but to think these stressful reminders. In our world, we often ban this thinking as  if it were a selfish thing to do: talking about your problems.

Yes, I write this article on a bad day. So, maybe tomorrow I will feel differently, maybe tomorrow won't be as awful. That's how I have to think to get through this life.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Music Monday: I Am Not My Hair

I recently "big chopped" last week! It was supposed to be after celebrating my two year transition, but that got cut short to 21 months. After taking out my twists I attempted to do a braid out which turned out to be really greasy ( seriously I had to keep going to the bathroom during church to dab away the oil). The style also didn't last too long as it became increasingly  apparent of the two different textures. So, I grabbed my scissors and clipped away. Now I am so happy with my hair do, and it's so much easier to maintain. I will post up a video of my "big chop" soon, but in the meanwhile listen to some India Arie (I know,I know)!

Monday, February 24, 2014

Music Monday!

Happy Monday! I love music it can definetly change the mood of one's day! I will try to do the Music Mondays weekly so here is the very first one!

Nneka-Shining Star

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Networking: An Experiment

  It's raining like a hurricane today. I didn't even know it was raining this bad until I got outside, but  since I woke up I had this icky feeling that rainy days give me.  Got to love Florida! Anyway, I've been thinking about what the lady at the career center at my school told me. I went in trying to figure out what internships I could apply for, and she went on about networking.

   I'm shy as I've said plenty times before. I rarely go up to people and just start talking to them. When I'm in class I subconsciously sit in the back where no one is sitting next to me. Sometimes, I feel like I should just introduce myself to someone...however that may just be too spontaneous for me.

  This advisor told me she had a challenge for me. She told me to go up to three people you've never met and introduce yourself. I laughed while she said it. She tried to encourage me and told me to just go for it. Now, that was like three weeks ago, and uh...yeah...I didn't do it.

    Spring break is the week after this one, so this week I will try and take on the challenge. I will just have to look for someone who won't be mean or laugh at me or whatever. It shouldn't be this mind wrecking, but it is for a shy girl. I am just so used to the same familiar interactions. However, I know that in order for me to get a career after I graduate  I will have to network.

SO wish me luck, people! I need to set a date for me to do it, maybe Wednesday. Yeah...well anyway I need to get back to my homework, I have an exam to study for now. Peace!

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Obsession with Extroversion and Introversion


   I remember when  I was in high school and I found out about the term introversion. The definition of "describing one's interest to itself," ( described me to a tee. When I learned that I was introverted, and not some weird person who cannot  showcase an overly aggressive personality, I had a sense of relief.  I kept annoying my family talking about introversion, took the Myers-Brigg Type Indicator test (INFP baby!), and read blogs about introversion while acting out my introversion. Most of the articles on these blogs were about introversion vs. extroversion. How introverts were more intelligent, and they would list all the famous and successful people who are introverted. I didn't mind all the praise, because in this society it's an unwritten rule to be more extroverted.

  When I read another introversion article at Clutch Mag, I asked, "is it too much?" I think that it's great to know what type of personality you have as it can answer a lot of questions. However, in the past I would try to make career decisions, and  determine my college major  based on my personality. I would also make social decisions based on my personality, more specifically my MBTI, and it was just self-restricting. I told myself I couldn't do this or I am better  at this. What happened to "you can do whatever you put your mind to."

  I am a Telecom major and while I like production, and behind the scenes, my mind daddles with the fact that I could be the next Tamron Hall, or Alicia Quarles, heck even Oprah Winfrey! Just because I am introverted, doesn't mean I cannot do extroverted things and vice versa.

   It's coming to the point where introversion and extroversion are becoming labels that limit people. Not one or the other is better. It's just a personality trait!

Friday, January 10, 2014

Skinny vs. Curvy


   I hate seeing posts about skinny is in, or curvy is in. It's really stupid,  because I think it confuses people. I'm not sure why, but people have like a mindset where you must think one or the other statement is correct. You can't choose both, or think that all body shapes or equally beautiful, just either or. I am sick of it! 

   As a skinny woman, I agree that the media shows a biased opinion of beauty by stating that thinner women are the ideal. At the moment though, the ideal woman will look like Beyonce, or Kim Kardashian. However, why should that equate to bashing skinny people. The whole "women have curves," and all that other mantra that people spew to increase their confidence isn't making the media change their minds. 

You see, we need to tell everyone that they are beautiful, whether their bodies look like a runway model or a pin up model. EVERYONE is beautiful! Stop thinking that a really skinny girl is anorexic, when an overweight girl standing next to her probably just flushed her vomit down in the toilet. 

  There are truths that even the eye can't see, and instead of us women bashing each other, we should all be loving one another ( I would love to see the day that happens).We should tell each other that they're beautiful. Not smirking and saying, "Eeew, she needs to eat!" , or "Wow! Someone needs to lay off those fries!". 

That is when this media against women will stop! We will make our own rules of beauty, and it won't be a skinny vs. curvy rule. It would be everyone is included rule! 

I hope I make sense, it's just something I have been thinking about lately. I think we as people make things more complicated than it really should be.  We give media too much power, and it sucks!  There needs to be diversity in the images that is presented to us. However, don't expect anyone else to do it, we have to do it ourselves.